i'm a pig...

one thing is for sure
routine is hungry for me
i'm stuck like a pig
rotating slowly
as the flames lick my skin
popping and cracking
rendering my fat
and making my flesh
fall off the bone
there's a way about her
i can't climb off
it's too much effort
effort i'm not willing to exert
what is a dreamer to do
all these things in front of me
a house
a job
a car
a wife
a family
some days they are goals
others they are obstacles
how do i get past them
how do i live without them
do i really want to live without them
are they meaningless endeavors
or do they hold the very glory of God
where is that glory
why does it elude me
why does it pass me by
one night while i slept
warm and full
it vanished
and i've been left to grasp for anything
looking to remember what it was like
it's more comfortable to make my home in the past
where i know i can find it again and again
but i don't know how to get it back
return to me your glory
remind me why i am here

return again...

wouldn't you like to return home?
a place where there aren't 4 walls to close you in
no technologies
no chemicals
no progress
and what has progress done for us?
why...as we continue to press onward
do you we grasp backward for the simplicity we had
progress
for what?
so we can live longer?
so we can continue hunger for selfishness?
so we can continue to stab our brother in the back?
covet
envy
jealously
is this what progress has gotten us?
from the soil we arose
and to the soil we shall return
let it breathe again
let us sow once more
return to what we know
what we hunger for
a richness and a wealth unspent
satisfying our deepest darkest longings
no more separation
no more trampling upon it
i have never seen this in all my life
and my soul calls to it
return to me once again

expectations...

expectations
expectations
what do i do
with these expectations
plans of wants
and plans of joy
only turn
into aggravations
now i sit
where i expected not
left here with
my hoping shot
and again it feels
like another waste
what could have
should have
would have been
a different day

2 hard things...

2 of the hardest things
to find in life are as follows:
a job that you love
a person that you want to marry
and as i sit at the inlet
watching the ocean waves
deteriorate barnacle encrusted rocks
that which i am jealous of
i have never longed for both more
cause when she sits by my side
and i stare into her deep blue eyes
i see forever
never ending
she begs me in with her
and i oblige
why wouldn't i
its only all i've ever wanted
to be daring
to be bold
and she draws it out from me
so i take off my shoes and socks
and i plunge my feet into the softness of sand
waves crash against me
swirling around my legs
i am a rock
as she wears me down

scent...

"you smell good"
or so she said
making me feel alive
with 3 meaningless words
but words none the less
and it may seem simple
but i'll take it
because life is full
of rigid standards
set by me
a heartache
i wish could break
saying only "its her smell"
and being satisfied in such a fragrance
floating still
never dull
never boring
never able
to be replaced

i'm an old man...

such silly little games we play
back and forth we tickle and giggle
but what is it all about
what is it all for
are we growing together
will we be here forever
just get to the point
i'm an old man
i live an old man's life
taking care of older men
forgetting what its like to be naive
my bones get soar when i do too much
my stomach hurts when i don't do enough
i finally found mortality
and it frightens me
to the point where freedom is lost
trying to protect myself from the outside world
afraid of disease
afraid to be exposed
desperately wanting to open up
for someone to listen
to breathe in deep my breath
and be ok with its stench
i've gotta stop all of this