a journey like nothing else...

you are a myth
you are a legend
you are stories told
to give hope of perfection
your weight is a feather
you're glass made of plastic
we're so far consumed
we can no longer see past it
you are not real
you are a lie
it's about time we see this
and command that you die
you put up your clouds
your smiles...your laughter
your "falling in love"
your "happily ever after"
you're choking our necks
you're breaking our bones
you cut off our hands
turn our hearts into stone
let us be free
let us be real
let us be pained
let us be healed
make us stronger throughout
better people we'll be
from trials we face
and words disagreed
help us to see the sacrifice
the giving of one's self
help us see that this will be
a journey like nothing else

i am the roof that is tattered with rain

i am a jumbled mess standing before my god not knowing what to do...what to say...how to act...how to hold your name...nothing is sacred to me...everything must be broken...everyone must be wrong...every way has an unchaseable ending...i am a liar...i am a cheat...i am a coward...nothing brave is within me...i stand for my own fame...my own glory...my own honor...wisdom has been given to me...yet i draw from my own well...my hands are that of stone unable to help another....i am foolish...i am proud...i am a jumbled mess

i don't know what to say...whether i should say anything...this is the part of the game where i lose my friends...decide its not worth it to carry on as myself...but adopt a new moniker...a new road...a new name....i am desolate...i am evil...i am callous....i am bitter...i am rotten to the core...its time for me to go serve myself again...leave all you poor and hungry...

what the hell is right.....who the hell is right...why must we be right....

what is next for me god...huh...what...please please please...can i stop learning...can i stop growing...why do you give me everything i want....stop it...give me something i need...i'm tired of deciding...i'm tired of thinking...please please please...i'm ready to be a robot...enslave me...please please please...give me an assistant...for christ's sake...please...

god i hate this...god i hate this...you answer my prayers...you give me rest...but what is this...i don't know...its a needle to my balloon...

what are we worth....what shouldn't we do...is there not a time for honoring ourselves...must we give until we are dust....will you water us...must we take the proper steps....give us formulas god...please...freedom is too difficult....won't we all lay down at our death saying "i could have done more"...will any of us be satisfied...do we waste time...is there such a thing....man i'm sick of this....leave me alone...don't talk to me...i'm sick of this...i'm sick of this...please stop it

when will you work god?

when will you see
i need answers
and you aren't doing much for me
when will you open your eyes
see past the sun and the clouds
seek out my desire
to hear your voice boom loud
when will the red carpet be laid
when will my hopes and dreams
be satisfied
in things i can see
hello? lord?
i heard you are loving
strong...patient...and wise
all knowing...all caring...hearing our cries
my request is a simple one
be small...be mine alone
break out of your realm
step down off your throne
walk with me...talk with me
be real...be alive...be kind
tell me that you love me
tell me everything will be fine
i need to hear it
straight from your lips
faith is hard...faith is unrealistic
for a skin covered man
who only sees skin cloaked things
who doesn't see heartbeats
or blood flow
or nerves cracking
or seeds sown
or water soaking
or leaves baking
or soil tilling
or weeds growing
and choking and choking
the sun is less bright
the moon is dressed in black
and an emptiness is filling
the sky with her muddled hues
and darker mists
and failing glances
and second chances
who grows this deep weed
this unwatered seed
that cultivates my brain
and sends me on my way
a path of destruction is laid
and all i find are roots
dug up before me
nothing takes hold
i try and i try
and nothing wants to live
this soil is too loose
these hands too new
when will the rain come
drench the ground...make it mud
so i will be swallowed up inside
sinking deep beneath
the earth's crust
where i lay
and rust
and wait and wait and wait
again i wait for my bones
to come back to life
when will i be a ground breaker
when will i reach a bare knuckle toward the sun
when will nerves and muscle
encase me once again
when will these dry bones dance
hello? lord?
when will you work?

remember lisa v...

i'm half way between never ending...and ever failing
i'm somewhere in the middle of taking charge...and taking off
i'm gonna reap the sowing seed of the daily grind
and burn it in the fire of desperate measures
i'm turning my ear to heaven
and turning my feet to the mossy path
i'm sick of death but refuse to nurture life

where does my help come from?
where is my rescue?

life is a vapor
an endless...tiresome...always changing vapor