holiday void....

this is the first year i will be without family on christmas...and on top of that...this will be the first time around the holidays i will be without friends as well...which makes me think about what i find so attractive about this holiday to begin with (yes i know...i said attractive)

i've never been one for christmas...the yuletide joy...the reds and greens...the fanfare of presents and consumerism....the holiday cheer...the extra donations...the tug on your heartstrings...it seems too merry....too guilt driven...but i would have to say that there are many aspects i love about it....

i love the excuse you have to get together with people...have hor d'oeuvres...bake cookies and pies and such....that's mostly what we need as humans...just getting together...eating together...giving gifts...unfortunately if we had this all the time we would most likely grow old and sick of it...which goes to show you...too much of a good thing can be bad sometimes

i also love the excuse to decorate...its one of the things i love about halloween as well...stringing lights...decorating the christmas tree...as we go through boxes and boxes of ornaments my mom has collected over the years...it got to a point where we couldn't even put them all on anymore...we had to weed out the ones that weren't that special...cause there wasn't any room...

but all that satisfies something in me....i don't know if it makes me nostalgic or brings me back to my childhood...moreso...because those things were in my childhood...they have shaped what i have grown to love about this holiday.....people talk about certain foods or events that bring comfort because it reminds them of their childhood...but the only comfort i would feel is if i were back there again...its not the food or the event for me...its that time....christmas is nothing without going to my grandpop's on christmas eve...seeing my uncles i haven't seen all year....eating the food...playing pool...its nothing without waking up in the morning with that leap in your heart...as you open one eye...that you've got some sweet presents awaiting your dismemberment...its going to your grandma's for dinner...eating shrimp and the best lasagna you've ever had...its going to your nanny and grandad's after that and opening the funny quirky gifts they got you because they don't have much money...and they are always trying to be creative

i guess when it comes down to it...i am a sucker for tradition...as much as settling down scares me sometimes...there are things i would look forward to...and this is one of those things...to build a new tradition...a new start to community...i already have felt this the last 6 years with halloween...building something and watching it grow...almost taking on a life of its own...every year going through the halloween stuff...thinking of a new theme...seeing it all come together...it brings such a warmth to my heart...i would hate not being a part of this...i hope to never stop...but one day i may have to...and start something new....

it sucks how the everyday life gets mundane...and you forget how good you have it until you leave...or how amazing the people you have been around for a time really are....why am i made this way...to cherish events and dates....and not the people i am around everyday...why do i take this for granted....i have this terrible tendency to think that there is something else better than what i'm doing or where i'm at...like my lot in life is a never ending wait on that ultimate purpose never to find it....i do this with church...i do this with cities....i do this with girls....i do this with worship..."when will i truly be satisfied?"...i ask of myself

i know partly...i will be satisfied...when i stop trying to find my satisfaction in these trivial things...because they will all be put to the flame...and not survive...may i be satisfied...in that which will survive

a merry tradition to you all...and to all a good night

i'm a stranger in this land..

there's a place far from here
where there is no hurt
no sickness
no medicine
no crying babies
no weeping mothers
no hopelessness
no anger
no disappointment
no jealousy
no lack of love
no abandonment
no loneliness

and as i see more
of all that lives here
i'm approaching the threshold
of wanting to be there

A Coloradian's Dream Car...

is a subaru outback...yeah that's right...you probably haven't even seen one...i remember when i was working out in flagstaff, arizona...i saw a bunch of them...and was wondering what was up....seeing them all over the place here...i had to ask AK and TK what the deal was...for some reason people out here have this idea its the best car ever...reason's being:

its all wheel drive
has room for people and "gear"
gets good gas mileage

my response to this being...yeah but its a damn subaru...seriously...who owns a subaru...instead why not get a toyota matrix...for reason's being:

its all wheel drive
has room for people and "gear"
gets good gas mileage
is a toyota!!!!!
it doesn't look like a hipper version of the station wagon

Pastor Melissa Scott...

is straight up legit....everytime i'm flipping through channels and she's on...i get sucked in

"we should do good works...because its a reflection of christ...it has NOTHING to do with salvation"

legit